unang araw

sadya ba talagang ganyan
palakad lakad kat nakatungo, san patungo?
ngayong wala ka na kelangang
masanay na muling nag-iisa
san ka na kaya?

wag mo akong sisihin
kung minsan ika'y hanapin
ito ang unang araw na wala ka na

nasanay lang sigurong nandyan ka
di ko inakalang pwede kang mawala,
ayan na nga
nababato...nalulungkot...
luha'y napapawi ng singhot
at talukbong ng kumot

wag mo akong sisihin
kung minsan akong iyakin
ito ang unang araw na wala ka na

*ebe*

- i just hate it when anxiety attacks me. it's such a pain in the ass. i don't know what's causing it.

last friday, after some days of mulling over the matter, i finally told him that i like him. and if my memory serves me well, he told me that he felt the same way...it's just that he's still technically in a relationship. i just don't really hope that he will make a big deal out of it. i don't want to lose him.

yesterday was the last day that i will be with him. after a week of being back in the day shift, he will be transferred to the night shift again (surprise!). after dropping me off to my place last night, i called him up and told him that i am really sorry that i got drunk. he told me that he was officially single. i didn't want to make a big deal out of it. and i thought, should i be happy about that?

i still can't see the possibility that we will be together. that's probably why i got the blues. he really hurt me before but still i just felt that i should still spend time with him with the risk of being hurt again. i tried calling him up earlier this evening. i maybe paranoid but i felt that he was so distant. ayan na nga. parang nadadama ko na namang masasaktan na naman ako but i wanted to think that he just didn't want to talk about what happened last night in malate.

do i feel love for him? i really don't know. i'm having mixed emotions right now. maychelle told me that i am not ready for a relationship yet. to quote her, love is something that is absolute and if he's really the one for me, then i wouldn't feel this way... or do i just think too much?

well, i just came to the conclusion that i should i just give it time. i still feel depressed and anxious though. kelan ba ko magkaka-peace of mind?