a late valentine's reflection

love is only love if it tears you apart. at least that's what they like to tell you. love is supposed to be all-consuming. it's supposed to take all of you. the only problem is, it usually takes most of the good parts.

whenever people go separate ways, it's always hard for both people, the one who leaves and the one who gets left behind. there are always going to be sides taken. sometimes, everyone's on your side and sometimes everyone blames you. but almost all the time, you blame yourself. whether you're the dumper or the dumpee.

i have been both in my short life. you see, i'm one of those people who gives it all. or at least that's what most people say so. someone once told me that i give so much of myself and i nurture a relationship excessively to a point that i am unrecognizable without it. i need a relationship to a point that i no longer want it. it becomes something that chose me instead of me being the one who chose it. the danger is, i become prone to finger-pointing. to nagging. to questioning.

but the many times i have been left heartbroken and the many times i have broken hearts has taught me a lot. it may not be everything but it's enough to help me understand what makes it so difficult to be with someone. it's the same thing that makes it beautiful.

everything you think you know about life and love is never really the truth. it's the truth to you, sure, but your truth could be different from someone else's. we can probably go on and on comparing relationship mantras and hypothesize the ingredients of "real" love but the fact is, no two people may ever be able to share the exact same vision for their relationship. two people may be heading in the same direction but that doesn't mean that they see the same road ahead of them. one is always ahead and the other is always behind. but sometimes, with a little luck, both of you are running side by side.

that's my relationship mantra, i guess. he may not love me as much as i love him. or maybe he does but the way he expresses it is different. whatever the case may be, i am happy to have someone to travel alongside with. even if sometimes, the weather is bad or we get lost because one or the other is trying to take the lead or just trying to go a different direction. the important thing is whenever either one of us is falling behind or lost, we wait for the other to catch up. and if we happen to be that someone who is lost or trying to catch his breath, we just tell the other to wait. we tell each other what we need.

sometimes, it's words of encouragement. sometimes, it's just a little "break". sometimes, it's distance.

but most of the time, we need to walk. to take that slow stroll with each other and not just live through each day but to make each day alive.

so if you have that someone you're running with or walking with, remember that you may usually set off at the same pace but you don't always end up travelling side by side. sometimes, the other person may get tired of the track you're taking and see another one they want to take. and that's okay.

because sooner or later, someone will see where you're heading and find that they want to get there too.

"love is the hardest habit to break, and the most difficult to satisfy."