one is the loneliest number

so...i'm not so strong after all. yesterday my whole world just got broken into pieces. my team lead just discovered that i had one POSE score for the first month of january and unfortunately, it was a zero. it sucks because that pulled down my stats big time. it doesn't make me feel any better that one incidence of absence would result into two months of being almost non-existent in this company. bummer! i am in the verge of exploding right now... the hell with this company being the number one call center. all i can do now is sigh, and just wait for what's going to happen to me.

and these developments in my melodramatic career got me into thinking and it got me into thinking a LOT! most people that i know have been praising me and giving me all those compliments about how talented i am and how good i am in everything that i do. yeah, right i can see your eyes rolling but it's true. this is not excessive self-esteem, this is the truth! but with what is happening right now, i can't even praise myself. i am losing self-confidence. i can't even look straight into other people's eyes. i am starting to get insecure. i don't even know myself anymore. so i am not that great after all... the truth is i suck! and i hate myself for being this way. i am a fucking failure.

how can you deliver your best when you know that your efforts are all futile. everything is in front of me but they appear to be so out of reach. blah! someone please give me a mood elevator right now! quick!