...

it's only been a day and yet i feel so incomplete that i don't have you. your smile, your breath, your warmth, and your complexities have been haunting me in my sleep. maybe you are right, there are some people who are insane to be loving someone so much that they could not let go despite the pain. maybe i am one of those kind of people. maybe i am really destined to take care of you, to make you feel happy, to make you feel special without asking anything in return.

i kept asking myself where it all started? why did we fall apart? you are saying that you are undergoing unexplainable emotional pain and i understand that because i've been through the same cycle before. i want you to know that i could not bear seeing you in such pain and suffering but that does not mean that you should project an image that would make me think otherwise only to make me feel happy. the reason why i am here is for me to share your every emotion. open and honest communication is one thing that i ask from you. i want us to achieve transparency and i wanted to give you my full trust.

but i've realized that saying "goodbye" isn't the way to deal with things. i was having my lunch and i was thinking of you and the reasons why i should hate you... but i couldn't. i could only remember the good memories. and it takes me back to that day when you stepped into my life. you mesmerized me with the beauty of your soul, i didn't hesitate to follow through because i know that there is something in you that is worth risk taking. and i was right, you were different from the others. you made me feel special. you made me believe that there is something much better than physical contact, something that is more intense that can stir the blood in your veins. but along the way, i can also feel the emptiness brought by the cloud of uncertainty. there are some things between us that seems to be unfathomable.

when i look back i figure out that i only felt those doubts because i keep on putting my defenses up. i am just afraid to get hurt, that's all. i must admit it, i am too fragile for pain right now. but how can i overcome those fears if i will let go of the source of my strength, my inspiration, my happiness. just one smile coming from you and all of the anger in my heart vanishes. just recalling the good memories just keep me coming back for more...and i will keep on holding to that promise that you made...that you would never hurt me.

for now, i am sorry if you feel restricted and i never intended for you to feel that way. well, i guess you have me back. but if you need time and space, i will understand it. i am just here whenever you need me. wherever you are right now, i just want you to know that my heart is again open for you and i just hope that yours is open for me too... i will just be here, waiting for your return. dearest, i love you and i want you back...it doesn't sound much of a plea but i think it is.